House Hazing

In this insane housing market (and the media has completely inflated everyone's fears), Rob and I are trying to buy a house.

It's funny, because buying a house is like one of those rites of passage where you receive a barrage of advice from people who have done it before. Which is fine...except that we didn't ask for it...

They may have tried to ban hazing in college fraternities and sororities, but it still occurs in the "real world." Like when we got married- people had to put in their two cents about weddings and marriage. I'm sure it also happens with people having children, too. Buying your first home is no exception. And we've received all sorts of advice.

Like this:

"You should wait for the market to bottom out."

While I may claim to be clairvoyant at times (like when I blurt out a line while watching a new Grey's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives episode before they say the exact line...but I will just attribute that to the fact that I am a writing genius. No, actually it's because they have very predictable scripts.), there is no way to predict when the market will "bottom out." One should buy a house when they are ready to. Not when the market is "good."

The market is never good. Houses are always fucking expensive. And Rob and I live in one of the three markets where the housing crisis has not affected house prices (as in, the median price has not dropped, but risen). The other areas are Seattle (I would move there only if I was a zombie and could prey on the brains of the many who sit in freeway traffic for hours at a time), and Charlotte, North Carolina (humidity? I don't think so).

"You should buy a foreclosure."

Ew. No. While they appear to the novice as a house on clearance, you get what you pay for. In many cases (but not all, occasionally one does buy a foreclosure and gets a good deal out of it), a buyer could encounter one or more of the following situations:

1- The owner owes more on the mortgage than the house is worth (not usual for the Portland market, but where housing prices have fallen dramatically),

2- The bank owns the property, and is selling it "as-is." Which means if your inspection comes back shitty, you'll be the one to foot the bill because the bank ain't touching it. If you have an army of carpenters, electricians, plumbers, etc. in your family (which we kinda do), you may be able to repair things and still buy groceries. If you don't, you have to decide if it's really worth it--and if the repair is something like foundation work or rewiring the entire house, it may not be worth it.

3- Many times a listing will mention it's a "short sale." What an oxymoron. Since short sales mean the bank owns the house, they make you run through every hoop and will sell the house on their terms. Which can take much longer than a normal closing.

"You should look on craigslist for a house."

While craigslist is an excellent site for furniture and other sales, viewing homes on craigslist usually means the home is a For Sale By Owner (FSBO). In most cases, they do not have a Realtor, and in some cases, they will not pay your Realtor's commission. That blows. And you have to hire an attorney to cover your ass. No thanks.

We have looked at a few homes, and I'll post a recap later. Next episode: finding the home, fighting with the lender, and pins and needles.